I’ve got an hour before the webinar and am planning to head back outside with holiday-appropriate reading: Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard. I’m supposed to have it done by book group on Sunday…we all picked different books this month. I’m enjoying it: thick prose and sometimes disturbing images of nature that jar a bit but seem authentic. I’m not sure I always completely understand her philosophical points but she captures the moment better than anyone I know. Her concerns about missing spring really spoke to me:

So, I have been thinking about the change of seasons. I don’t want to miss spring this year. I want to distinguish the last winter frost from the out-of-season one, the frost of spring. I want to be there on the spot the moment the grass turns green. I always miss this radical revolution: I see it the next day from a window, the yard so suddenly green and lush I could envy Nebuchadnezzar down on all fours eating grass. This year I want to stick a net into time and say ‘now,’ as men plant flags on the ice and snow and say, ‘here.’ But it occurred to me that I could no more catch spring by the tip of the tail than I could untie the apparent knot in the snakeskin; there are no edges to grasp. Both are continuous loops.

That desire to capture spring is one of the reasons I’m taking so many pictures this year. Well, that and the new phone!

I’m going to take some other ecology related book with me on Sunday in hopes of convincing them to read one or two: maybe Wallace Berry and Barbara Kingsolver. I’ve still got to finish Bound for Glory and the Civil War essays.

My lunch date canceled for today so that makes these morning hours less crucial for work. I did two hours of research work yesterday first thing. Now, I have three memos to write, another interview to transcribe and then an interview this afternoon as well. Been fooling around with recording phone calls and ended up buying a speaker phone. The iPod picks it up ok plus with a phone interview, I can type while we talk. I also bought a little $8 suction cup from Radio Shack that sticks on the receiver and then feeds into the analog recorder. I’ll put that on the phone as well. You really can’t be too careful.

I rewarded myself for all the research work by playing some more with Flash. It is coming back to me and I’ve got one module for a “what food when” game to learn about Jewish holidays. I’m going to start a new one about holidays that include lights. These are samples for a client. No huge bells and whistles but some animation and music.

It’s been nice to be home the last few days. I can putter and get things done on my own time. I’ve got a running “to do” list and managed to check a few things off of it. Put in a big Amnesty International order for my nephew’s birthday and may make a few CDs from vinyl for him, too. I’m hoping to be off doing research next week so am making the most of being at home.

I was going to make chicken salad for lunch. I think I’ll turn those chicken breasts into tortilla soup instead. And I’ve got turkey and potato rolls for turkey burgers. I’ll do those tonight and then make the soup in the crock pot tomorrow. We have folks coming for wine and snacks and I think I’m going to try home backed tortilla chips again. I have a big stack of tortillas to work with. Mostly I’m trying to work with what I’ve got so I can avoid leaving the house until Friday morning when I head to a workshop.

I’ve been feeling pretty lousy the last two or three days so gave myself off from WW. I need to get back on the plan, though. Mostly I’ve eaten cheese: I really miss it! Big chunks dipped in mustard and eaten with crackers. Yum! I haven’t written anything down for at least two days and I’m aware of how the act of recording does keep me from overeating. So, today I’m shooting for a 26 point day. So far, I’ve only had coffee so I’m on track.

Blessings to all!

My husband is the real gardener is the family and is considering signing up for the master gardener program in our town. But I like digging in the dirt, too, and am generally in charge of the flower beds, of which we have 4 major areas. I’ve been working on them slowly over the past several years, moving things, dividing things, and I think this will be the best year ever. I’m going to buy a few herbs tomorrow: basil and basil seeds, thyme, and a pineapple sage. I’ll get just a few annuals for the barrels in the front.

The only thing I haven’t accounted for is zinnias. I used to do them in the garden beside the front path but I’ve made that almost completely perennials and is a more “controlled” atmosphere. Maybe I can get my husband to dig up a plot in the front yard, where we are trying to reduce the amount of grass. I could just sow a swatch of them. I’ve got a big bag of seeds from last year and may get a few more tomorrow.

Aah…my window is open and I’m looking out on the back yard as usual. There are still chores to be done. The birds need fed after four days, and I should make hummingbird food and put those feeders out. But I think that shall be tomorrow’s job. A very small chickadee just stopped at the feeder for a sunflower seed then headed off to eat it. Simple but elegant and always exciting to have birds just a foot or so away.

I drank my first glass of wine sitting in the backyard reading Sharon Kay Penman’s Falls the Shadow, the second in a series of books about the relationship of England and Wales.  I’m going to both those places in October and have a pile to read, including The Other Boleyn Girl on my Kindle.

I’m on my second glass of wine. I can hear a dove cooing in the woods. There’s that chickadee again and then the flutter of his wings as he heads off with his seed. I know I’ll have to work tomorrow, mostly on research stuff, but today was indeed a glorious day!

I was up early today.  It’s getting lighter earlier and the dogs wake up and start making dog noises around 6:30 or so.  Just caught sight of a big V of geese flying overhead.  I guess there are still some Canada Geese that actually migrate.  So, spring is here.

Now, I’m getting caught up on podcasts.  According to Garrison Keillor at The Writer’s Almanac, it’s Lawrence Ferlinghetti’s birthday.  I went to visit City Lights Bookstore when I was in San Francisco and bought a copy of Maxim Gorky’s great revolutionary novel, Mother.  It just seemed appropriate.  I love starting the day with poetry.

Now, I’m listening to Harry Shearer’s LeShow from KCRW, one of my favorite public broadcasting stations.  Thank goodness for the web so I can access the station.

My live frog for today is listening to some mp3 files so I may have to cut Harry short and get started.  I’m teaching today, too, and then meeting with my advisor to figure out the logistics of doing my research.  There may be grocery shopping as well.

After eating pretty well for several days in a row, I went a little crazy yesterday.  Although there isn’t much bad food in the house so crazy is relative.  I did have more than one serving of wine   But I’m back on the WW wagon today.  I did get a nice walk at the property yesterday as my husband drops us at the beginning of the road into the neighborhood and we walk in.  Just about a mile.

Wildlife siting: there are two flickers sitting in the oak tree.  One looks like a fledgling with fluffy feathers.  It’s sort of amazing that I get anything done.  I also noticed that all the birdies need fed.  They particularly like the peanut butter suet we’ve been making.  That feeder is completely cleaned out!  I have a little left in the fridge and then need ingredients to make more, mostly peanut butter.

Blessing to all!

So, why does my title refer to the blues?  Partially because after two months free of hot flashes, I’ve woken up the past two nights feeling hot and uncomfortable.  Nowhere near as bad as they were in the fall, but I was hoping they were over.  I did fall asleep last night, but I’m just a little depressed this morning.  I tried scrambling up on the weight watchers wagon yesterday but fell off pretty quickly and was crushed under the wheels, my mouth stuffed with cheese and chocolate.  Now, I’m wearing my sister’s cast off denim capris because they are baggy and comfortable.

But, there is good news.  My dissertation proposal took about three hours and is essentially done.  I’m going to give it another read through tomorrow before sending it to my advisor. And, my school district is working on getting volunteers.  I also got most of the data entered for taxes.  All that, and we spent a couple hours at our property in Charles City and I spent two hours playing recorders with two friends.   Finally, I took a long walk with the dogs.  So, it was a productive day.

Today is all about digital storytelling.  I want to do a short introduction and then play with the software and my flip camera.  Just putter a bit since the workshop isn’t until next week.  I should also write the VITALNews, which takes about three hours.  Actually, maybe I’ll wait until tonight while I’m watching election returns.

I just feel tired despite sleeping pretty well.  I’m still limping a bit from my back injury in February.  Lately, I have just felt old.  And, I’m depressed because I know what the answer is: exercise and eat right.  My blood pressure would go down, I would lose a little weight, and so on.  So, why is it so hard?  Fruits, vegetables, some whole grains and dairy, and a little protein:  I’m picturing what’s in my kitchen: carrots, V-8, high fiber bread, apples, bananas, yogurt, milk, a London Broil for dinner.  All of that is completely legitimate and would be considered good food.  Oh…add apple sauce to the list.  I like all those things, they are generally easy to eat, so why when I get to the kitchen do I find myself reaching for the cheese or the chocolate?  Even while part of my brain is screeching, “NO!”  Maybe this isn’t about willpower.  Maybe it’s about listening to the screeching voice, understanding that the panic comes from the sneaking suspicion that I will never figure this out.  I just don’t want to be thinking about this for the rest of my life.  Just one day. You can do it.  Blessings.