My office window is open and I’m watching the birds. So far, I’ve seen the yellow-rumped warbler, the pine warbler, the red-bellied woodpecker, and a brown thrasher. It just feels like spring out there. As I walked the dog, a wren sat at the top of the oak tree, just singing his heart out.
So, why does my title refer to the blues? Partially because after two months free of hot flashes, I’ve woken up the past two nights feeling hot and uncomfortable. Nowhere near as bad as they were in the fall, but I was hoping they were over. I did fall asleep last night, but I’m just a little depressed this morning. I tried scrambling up on the weight watchers wagon yesterday but fell off pretty quickly and was crushed under the wheels, my mouth stuffed with cheese and chocolate. Now, I’m wearing my sister’s cast off denim capris because they are baggy and comfortable.
But, there is good news. My dissertation proposal took about three hours and is essentially done. I’m going to give it another read through tomorrow before sending it to my advisor. And, my school district is working on getting volunteers. I also got most of the data entered for taxes. All that, and we spent a couple hours at our property in Charles City and I spent two hours playing recorders with two friends. Finally, I took a long walk with the dogs. So, it was a productive day.
Today is all about digital storytelling. I want to do a short introduction and then play with the software and my flip camera. Just putter a bit since the workshop isn’t until next week. I should also write the VITALNews, which takes about three hours. Actually, maybe I’ll wait until tonight while I’m watching election returns.
I just feel tired despite sleeping pretty well. I’m still limping a bit from my back injury in February. Lately, I have just felt old. And, I’m depressed because I know what the answer is: exercise and eat right. My blood pressure would go down, I would lose a little weight, and so on. So, why is it so hard? Fruits, vegetables, some whole grains and dairy, and a little protein: I’m picturing what’s in my kitchen: carrots, V-8, high fiber bread, apples, bananas, yogurt, milk, a London Broil for dinner. All of that is completely legitimate and would be considered good food. Oh…add apple sauce to the list. I like all those things, they are generally easy to eat, so why when I get to the kitchen do I find myself reaching for the cheese or the chocolate? Even while part of my brain is screeching, “NO!” Maybe this isn’t about willpower. Maybe it’s about listening to the screeching voice, understanding that the panic comes from the sneaking suspicion that I will never figure this out. I just don’t want to be thinking about this for the rest of my life. Just one day. You can do it. Blessings.
