Category Archives: Morning Blogging

Thinking About Buddha and Boats

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I hadn’t been to church for several weeks…busy traveling and working. But, I went yesterday, mostly to hear The Delvers. They are a local group that plays folks, jazz and western swing. One of the band members belongs to my church and I arranged for them to play. As we were getting set up, one of them asked what I was going to do when I finished my degree. I’m not sure, but for several years now, I’ve been talking about building a kayak from a kit.

The sermon was about the use of metaphor in our spiritual journey, and I was pleasantly surprised when the minister told the parable of the Buddha. You can read the whole story here, but the main point is that a man collects materials to build a raft and cross a river. Then, however, he decides to carry the boat with him over his head even though there is no more water to cross. The point: sometimes we carry metaphors with us when they are no longer useful. I couldn’t help but relate this to my own life and that very real kayak I want to build.

Now that I’m getting ready to do my dissertation research, I’ve been asked a lot what I’m going to do when I’m done. Well, first, I’m going to take a break! Read trashy novels, work in the garden, play music, make movies, etc. etc. And, build that kayak…perhaps it’s my own metaphor for moving onto the next phase of my life. I have not ever really built anything and I thought it would be much different from the cerebral work I’ve been doing.

I met with my advisor after church and then went home and submitted my institutional review board request. I may have approval by the end of the week! I’m trying to finish what work I can so my time is free for research. It’s very exciting to be getting started.

Watched the first two parts of John Adams last night on HBO. It was good: I particularly liked Laura Linney as Abigail Adams. In fact, of the two, she’s my favorite in general historically. He was gone so often and for so long that she was running the farm and educating the children herself.

Life Changes

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I have the soul of a 25 year old but the body of a 45 year old and sometimes that contrast really bugs me.  Now, at the time of my life when I know what I want to do and have lots of opportunities to do it, I just don’t have the same energy level.  Actually, at 25, I was working full time (but for someone else) and going to school, too.  But I remember having excess energy.  I was a runner; I hung out until all hours with friends and did those other things, too.  On the other hand, I am much more comfortable in my own skin these days.  Recently, I’ve said to a couple people that the good thing about this age is that I really just don’t give a damn what people think about me any more.

I have been “doing” weight watchers pretty religiously for at least two days now.  I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but for me, it’s a good start.  Today is the tough day.  I don’t feel all that well, and I could easily backslide.  So, after I’m done writing, I’m going to plan today’s meals.  It worked yesterday.  I ate raisin bran and milk for lunch.  And, even had enough extra points to enjoy a grande nonfat latte.  I cut off a small piece of my steak to eat and filled my plate with the Mayo Clinic potatoes I made and green beans. (When I went back to the recipe, I realize I didn’t soak the potatoes in cold water first.  They were still good. Also, I used Murchee’s Focaccia Bread Spice that we bought last summer in Victoria, BC.)

Just fired up the Writer’s Almanac podcast.  I have a couple skype sessions this morning and then wouldn’t mind doing some more gardening.  Yesterday, I moved some day lilies and bearded irises around.  Still have some more although I’m not completely sure where they are going.  Oh…I have some ideas.  It’s going to be a beautiful day so maybe we’ll run out to the property in the evening.  At some point, I do need to go grocery shopping.  Hmm…big day planned.  At least, the gardening yesterday yielded me 5 exercise points with WW.

I fed the birds yesterday morning, even made peanut butter suet.  Now, there’s a downy woodpecker on the suet feeder.  The blue birds have been visiting, too, getting bluer and bluer as each day goes by.  I love watching the world come alive in the spring and my office window offers the perfect viewing spot.

We’re having dinner guests Saturday and I still don’t have a finished menu.  Salad, definitely, from the green house.  It’s close to St. Patrick’s Day so I was thinking about stew although I would use beef rather than lamb.  And soda bread to soak up the stew juices.  The stew will have all the vegies in it.  I guess I could make noodles to put it over, too.  For appetizers, I think a good Irish cheddar if I can find one at the store along with crackers and fruit. Maybe some bruschetta as I have some toast points, too.  I want to do stew because I can make it in the crockpot so there’s not a lot of last minute cooking.  Finally, for dessert, I found an apple-custard pie recipe that is supposedly Irish.

Hanging at the Hampton

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Yet another Hampton Inn.  I’m doing a digital storytelling workshop for the next two days.  I’ve mainly been doing administrator training so this will be a nice change of pace.  I had fun playing with photostory and moviemaker last week and I think I have the workshop nicely paced out.  A short into this morning, then look for resources, then photostory.  I think we may be able to get through this by lunch.  This afternoon is an hour with the flip camera then moviemaker.  My goal is to give them time to work tomorrow on a project.

I slept about as well as I sleep in a hotel.  I am planning on some yoga this afternoon.  Before I hurt my back, I had been doing yoga pretty regularly and my heat flashes had really abated.  Not sure if it is cause/effect but Bob and I saw a short news story on yoga helping with menopause.  I feel like I’m back to the beginning, but I’ll start with some light stretching.  And, now that the weather is nicer, I’ll start incorporating a walk, too.  I ordered a few books using Audible credits.

Still reading The American West by Dee Brown.  It’s depressing to read the stories of the ends of Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse and the other great warriors.  I keep picturing the barren prairie of Wounded Knee.  Was there any other possibility for this situation?  I don’t think so.  Even those who wanted to save the Native Americans didn’t seem interested in letting them preserve their culture.

Yesterday was one of those not-very-good days that we all have from time to time.  Just felt frustrated all day.  Realized I had lost my cell phone.  And managed to rip the nail off my thumb.  Ouch!  I swung by Target on my way out of town and bought a new phone.  It seemed like it got set up correctly but I still haven’t gotten the text message saying it is ready to use.  I also bought A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.  Just couldn’t resist: it’s part of the Target Bookmarked and last week I heard a woman on NPR talking about the main character, Francie Nolan.  I can remember that my mother didn’t want me to read it.  Eventually, I think I did.  Meanwhile, the last thing I need is another book, but I’ll add it to the basket.

Spring is Coming

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It’s still cold here, but my in-laws in Erie who were snowed in, I am looking at a back yard suddenly filled with robins.  The sun is rising; in fact, I can almost see it moving upward in the sky as the painfully bright light pours through the still naked tress in my neighbor’s woods.  But I can see a red bud from here and the flowering cherries and quinces are in full bloom elsewhere in  town.  The daffodils, or to use the more southern term, jonquils are probably at their peak with patches everywhere, either cultivated or naturalized.  I always feel like I miss this moment in time when Spring beats back Winter not with a full-on assault but rather by moving into the cracks and crannies.  We changed the clocks this weekend so it stayed light until nearly 7:30 last night.  We’ll start eating later as we spend more time gardening in the late afternoon, early evening.  Eventually, we’ll enter summer mode when we get up early to go outside then escape the heat in the afternoon only to emerge at dusk.   The winter mode is the opposite, inside until it warms up enough to work outside.

Yesterday, it never did warm up enough so my husband took a long winter afternoon nap and I finished up some work, then crocheted and watched Better Off Dead with John Cusack.   I don’t watch a lot of movie; I finally gave up even the cheapest Netflix account, but I do like Cusack.  This was the perfect movie for a Sunday afternoon and I finished a tea cozy for myself then started one for my friend who has a birthday in April and is a big tea fan.  I’ll see if I can find a cute teapot for her, too.

I’m in this odd sort of netherworld right now.  My advisor has the final draft of my proposal so I’m waiting.  I’m doing a two-day digital storytelling workshop three times over the next two weeks.  It is planned so now I just have to get there and give it.  I have some work to do for a client that I’ll at least start on today but then am planning to deal with in the hotel room over the next two weeks (SIX nights in a hotel).  Since my folks came to visit, I’m not going to make the trek home for Easter.  I’d only have about 24 hours there, and that includes sleeping.  So, we’re going to stay home.  Aaah…I’m looking forward to it already.  Mostly, I’m trying to enjoy the more relaxing schedule for a little while.  Once my research begins, that will be the end of that.

My husband’s alarm just went off so it must be 8 AM.  He has errands this morning and I’m going to get organized for travelling before I run my own errands and teach my class this afternoon.  I’m enjoying some Trader Joe’s Bay Blend coffee.  I didn’t grind the beans enough yesterday so it was a little weak.  This morning, I made a fresh pot before heading out for a walk with the doggies and took an extra second to grind.  Yum…not bitter, but strong and pungent.  A good start to the day…blessings to all!

Rainy Days

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When I opened the back door for the dogs, I discovered the chickens already wandering around.  We never braved the rain last night to put them away.  Actually, they put themselves away: heading into the coop to roost just about dusk.  But we close the various gates to keep them in and potential predators out.  Last night, however, it was pouring like crazy and it just never happened.  They appear no worse for wear.

My husband said when he got up to let Ivy out in the middle of the night, the frogs were singing.  Not a surprise when you look around this morning.  My neighbor’s woods have been transformed into a wetlands.  We didn’t get rained on and I thought it looked like it was clearing.  Then, as I sat down to write, I noticed that it was raining again.

I’m spending the day with my parents.  We’ll do some shopping and if it does clear take a walk in Colonial Williamsburg.   Dinner is easy, just have to get the chicken in the crockpot this morning.

I managed to finish the VITAL newsletter last evening.  Just two or three more of them to do.  I wondered if I should try to continue but I think it’s time to bring it to an end.  I do get comments from several people about how much they appreciate it.  And, I never really know what I’m going to write about for the opening essay.  Yesterday was no different, but then I started writing about how the Kindle has done for books what iTunes and Netflix did for music and video: made them instantly available.   So, the other day, when I heard through Twitter that the Bryant Park Project was going to have a book club, I decided to join in.  But, I had also made that new year’s resolution about buying books and had just come home from Roanoke where I had majorly broken that resolution.   What to do?  Turn to the Kindle.  Sure enough, the book–In the Country of Men by Hisham Matar–was available.   I saved about 5 dollars buying the Kindle version.

Of course, there are drawbacks: I can’t share the book with others, I can’t sell it at the paperback book exchange, I can’t donate it to the library.  But, for now, I have plenty of other books for which I can do that.  The Kindle allows me, along with the public library, to start making decisions about whether or not I need my own printed copy of a book.

Early Afternoon Pages

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This is what happens if you do not write your pages first thing in the morning. Life intervenes. It’s 2 PM and I just poured a fresh cup of coffee. I’ve been cleaning the house and just have one bathroom to go.

I was up early: the dogs were ready for their walk by 6:15 AM. By 7 AM, I was ready to get started on the day, but I decided to indulge in what I consider a luxury: reading a book with my first cup of coffee. In my single days, I couldn’t wait for Saturday mornings. I would get up early, make a pot of coffee, put it in a carafe and bring it to bed with me. Then, I would drink coffee and read. Pure pleasure.

So, that’s what I did this morning except I sat outside since my husband was still in bed along with our lab. It was a might on the chilly side but I lasted for a bit along with Zuzu. Reading In the Shadow of Wounded Knee reminded me that I had Dee Brown‘s The American West on my shelf. And, I was ready for more Western history, even though there isn’t much I haven’t at least touched on. But, Brown’s book, with photos edited by his late colleague Martin F. Schmitt, promised good stories. (NB: just went to Wikipedia and discovered the Mr. Brown is also late.) By the time I sat down at the computer, I was ready to work and spent the morning doing a few things. I was planning to write about the book.

I love its organization: chronological but also topical. Rather than trying to tell everyone’s story at once, they narrow in on sharply detailed vignettes of Western life. I feel like I have some knowledge of how to rope a calf now that I didn’t have before reading their chapter on cowboys. Quite a feat driving 3500 head of cattle from Texas to Kansas.

Their description of a man and his horse who had been trampled by a stampede was gruesome but compelling. The West, it seemed, offered multiple horrible ways to die. Maybe that’s why, when they got paid, cowboys went looking for booze and women rather than hearth and home. Spend it before you get shot by an arrow or trampled by a longhorn steer or shot by a poker player.

I’m hoping to have an hour to sit by the fire and read. It’s pouring outside and we’re home. I added at least another book to the basket of books.

My coffee is just about done. I should also work on the VITALNews so I may put an hour or so into that. We’re having weekend guests and I’m making supper on Saturday night: cranberry barbecue chicken in the crockpot, roasted sweet potatoes, salad from the green house, cole slaw with apples and walnuts, and a chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream. Yum! And easy to make.

Native Americans

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I’m writing from yet another Hampton Inn.  I have a friend who says she’s been in every one in Virginia.  I cannot make that claim but I’ve done a fair number.  Maybe I’ll start a Google Maps overlay of all the Hamptons I’ve been in.

But, not this morning.  Instead, a quick post about In the Shadow of Wounded Knee.  Here’s a picture of Plenty Horses, who shot Lieutenant Casey near Pine Ridge.  It’s from the Grabill Collection at the Library of Congress.

You can read more at American Heritage.

Gotta go….

In The Shadow of Wounded Knee

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Our dog–a 14-year-old black lab–was very much part of our routine. Ivy slept in with us and was content to hang out with us, more person than dog. Then, we took on Zuzu and Tina Turner. They had come from a home where the schedule really revolved around them. So, now, instead of the dogs sleeping in until I get up, they get me up, usually somewhere around 6:30 or so. I pull on some clothes and shoes and we head down my neighbor’s dirt road. We had big thunderstorms last night so it was very wet this morning as we turned onto the edge of the clover field. Then, it’s breakfast, which requires a little policing since Tina Turner, the smallest one and my ADD child, takes awhile to finish hers and if I’m not watching, the big dogs finish their food then push her out of the way and eat hers, too. Now, we have all settled back down: Ivy in bed with my husband, Tina next to me on her blanket, and Zuzu with his bear in the “man cave” in the office. And, it’s only 7:30!

Yesterday, I got started early and by noon time had most of a PhotoStory done. Today is all about movie maker and then I’m about done with the digital storytelling workshop. I even had time to sit on the swing with a cup of coffee and a book yesterday. How lovely. the chickens flock around and the dogs find their spots, noses to the air, as we all welcome the early signs of Spring.

My colleague has been looking for work since our grant is ending and he found a request for consulting in South Korea. Cool…we’re going to see each other tonight and tomorrow for a meeting and we can strategize. There’s also a call for doing online stuff for Texas. I haven’t gone out looking. Right now, I have enough work but maybe by fall when my dissertation is about done, I can start looking around. I very much like my lifestyle: mostly working from home but enough travel to keep it interesting and enough changes to get into schools. One of my clients may be doing some work with DC; I would love to be part of that!

Keith Phipps at the AV Club has been reading through a box of vintage paperbacks and then writing about them. In that spirit, I pulled books off my shelf that I’ve bought, looked at, but not seemed to find time to read. I put them in a basket in the bedroom and am now working my way through them. They are, by all means, not all the unread books on my shelf, but just the 15 or so that fit in the basket. It makes it seems less daunting, I suppose.

I had started In the Shadow of Wounded Knee by Roger L. Di Silvestro some time ago but only made it through the first few pages. Then, for some reason, it ended up under the clock radio on my night stand and that was the end of it. The books under the clock radio ended up in the basket, mostly because the pile had gotten precipitously tall and the clock radio looked in danger of plummeting onto my head if things even got too out of hand in the bed, if you know what I mean. So, they went into the basket and as I decided what to read first, I figured I’d start with Di Silvestro since I had already invested some time in the book.

It is excellent. The premise of the book is that the Indian Wars didn’t really end until after Wounded Knee in January 1891 when Plenty Horses killed Edward Casey and then several ranchers ambushed Lakota Hunters. So far, much of it has been a review of history with which I am already very much familiar. Yet, Di Silvestro makes it fresh as he shows the nuances of how both whites and Native Americans felt and acted during the time. His story also reminds us that the Native Americans really never had a chance. Even when they tried to follow the rules, they were often massacred.

One point that Di Silvestro made that I don’t remember thinking about before was that those Native Americans who did come into the reservation seemed to be treated more harshly, despite their cooperation, than those chiefs like Sitting Bull who chose to stay out. That made it difficult for the cooperating chiefs to convince their young warriors that they had done the right thing by surrendering to the white man. I have been to Wounded Knee and I can picture those lonely wind-swept plains and the small church. We could almost hear the voices of the dead as we stood and looked over the site of the massacre more than 100 years before. It still haunts the landscape.

Tuesday Morning Blues

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My office window is open and I’m watching the birds. So far, I’ve seen the yellow-rumped warbler, the pine warbler, the red-bellied woodpecker, and a brown thrasher.  It just feels like spring out there. As I walked the dog, a wren sat at the top of the oak tree, just singing his heart out.

So, why does my title refer to the blues?  Partially because after two months free of hot flashes, I’ve woken up the past two nights feeling hot and uncomfortable.  Nowhere near as bad as they were in the fall, but I was hoping they were over.  I did fall asleep last night, but I’m just a little depressed this morning.  I tried scrambling up on the weight watchers wagon yesterday but fell off pretty quickly and was crushed under the wheels, my mouth stuffed with cheese and chocolate.  Now, I’m wearing my sister’s cast off denim capris because they are baggy and comfortable.

But, there is good news.  My dissertation proposal took about three hours and is essentially done.  I’m going to give it another read through tomorrow before sending it to my advisor. And, my school district is working on getting volunteers.  I also got most of the data entered for taxes.  All that, and we spent a couple hours at our property in Charles City and I spent two hours playing recorders with two friends.   Finally, I took a long walk with the dogs.  So, it was a productive day.

Today is all about digital storytelling.  I want to do a short introduction and then play with the software and my flip camera.  Just putter a bit since the workshop isn’t until next week.  I should also write the VITALNews, which takes about three hours.  Actually, maybe I’ll wait until tonight while I’m watching election returns.

I just feel tired despite sleeping pretty well.  I’m still limping a bit from my back injury in February.  Lately, I have just felt old.  And, I’m depressed because I know what the answer is: exercise and eat right.  My blood pressure would go down, I would lose a little weight, and so on.  So, why is it so hard?  Fruits, vegetables, some whole grains and dairy, and a little protein:  I’m picturing what’s in my kitchen: carrots, V-8, high fiber bread, apples, bananas, yogurt, milk, a London Broil for dinner.  All of that is completely legitimate and would be considered good food.  Oh…add apple sauce to the list.  I like all those things, they are generally easy to eat, so why when I get to the kitchen do I find myself reaching for the cheese or the chocolate?  Even while part of my brain is screeching, “NO!”  Maybe this isn’t about willpower.  Maybe it’s about listening to the screeching voice, understanding that the panic comes from the sneaking suspicion that I will never figure this out.  I just don’t want to be thinking about this for the rest of my life.  Just one day. You can do it.  Blessings.

Monday Morning Musings

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No title yet this morning.  The title for my morning pages was always the date and time.  It’s March 3, 2008, at 7:39 AM.  I did the usual routine with the dogs but haven’t let the chickens out yet.  That’s next on the list.  I am playing recorders this morning then have the rest of the day at home to get organized for the week.  Here’s the topic list of to dos:

  • Taxes (Mostly data entry into Turbo Tax so I can put the paper work away. We always get an extension and it takes my husband a little prodding to get his numbers together.)
  • Dissertation draft and human subjects (This is due Thursday.)
  • Digital storytelling workshops (These begin next week.)
  • Leftovers for a client (I have additional work to do for this client but probably not until the end of the week or over the following two weeks when I’m stuck in a hotel room for five or six nights!)

So, nothing too bad, although I did wake up in the middle of the night and worry that this week wouldn’t be enough time.  Get over it…the dissertation is the main thing and I’ll work on that this afternoon.  And the workshops should just take a day or two to practice with the software and get some resources together. So, just relax, Karen, enjoy playing some music this morning, then settle in and get some work done.

The weather is supposed to be nice so I wouldn’t mind getting to the property this week.  Again, I have plenty of time so actually pretend you know how to be on vacation and have some fun.  I put the pile of books I bought in a basket and am going to read through it.  I could get in an hour or two of reading at night.  We were both tired after a long day of gardening.  I raked a flower bed and did some planning.  Dusted our bedroom and finished up the laundry.  We went to bed around 9 PM.  That’s just too early for me.  Because then I was wide awake at 2 AM and still sort of mulling over the world at 3 AM when Bob invited me back to bed.  At the conference last week, I stayed up until midnight and slept great.  So, I’ll try it tonight.

And, I’m back on the weight watchers wagon today.  I did OK over the weekend: just one incident with milk and oreo cookies.  I had been avoiding them but once I get off track, anything goes, it seems.  I am just sort of embarrassed that I can’t seem to be disciplined enough to control my eating.  Yesterday, when I really wanted cheese and bread, I chose an apple instead.  Can it be that simple?  Making different kinds of choices?  I wish it were and I’m going to try to see it as that.

So, I added a title and am ready to publish this.  Then, in the hour I’ve got, I’m going to look at my dissertation to see how much has to be done.  But, first, I need to let the chicken out of the coop for the day.  And, it looks like there’s a small bird trapped in the netting.  One of the chicken–Trudi–has discovered that she can get out of the yard.  We retrieved her several times yesterday.  It’s interesting that the others don’t seem interested in following her.  She and Tina Turner are my two escape artists.

Blessings for the day.