In One Place

It is a lovely day, and I have spent most of it out in the gardens, pruning, moving, and just generally tidying up. I want to head out to the local nursery for some plants, mostly herbs. What a pleasure…I have reached something of a hiatus and am taking advantage of it to do fun things. And, as always, when I feel happy, I’m listening to music and podcasts. I’ve been grabbing music off some old CDs I made from record albums, and then I started thinking about those reel-to-reel tapes I’ve got. I don’t think we have a working rtr player and I’m not really interested in buying one. So, I ended up at iTunes looking for two Sting albums that I loved in the late 80s…The Dream of Blue Turtles and Nothing But The Sun. There they were just waiting to be downloaded…aah, the dangers of iTunes. I listened to both of them. I remembered every song on those albums, just fantastic rhythm, harmony, really tight, music to dance to, to sing along with, and, now, to garden to.

I’ve also subscribed to a bunch of National Public Radio podcasts, including Day to Day, Books, and All Songs Considered. The latter two are dangerous. I added a couple books to my list of must-reads and the first ASC podcast I listened to included an interview with Joe Boyd about his life as a music producer for bands like Pink Floyd, the Incredible String Band and Nick Drake. In that case, there’s a book and lots of music. I was hoping by adding lots of good stuff to listen to, I would be encouraged to walk more. I’ve got two audio books, too, that I added because I thought I was going on a road trip.

I’ve actually been gardening instead of walking but that works, too. Good music, beautiful flowers: the lilac is just getting started on blooming and the wysteria is a gorgeous purple-white fringe over the garage. Mounds of phlox spread across the garden, their lavender flowers blanketing the foliage. It is always a glorious time of year as the garden begins to burst forth. Things come and go and overlap. Right now, the last of the daffodils are blooming, mostly the small, multi-flowered ones. The azaleas are beginning; I can see a dark pink one from my office window. It feels good to garden. With going full time the past two years, I just haven’t had time. It is amazing how much time I have when I only have one class.

And, I’ll end this post with the great news: One of the first things I did this morning was dig out the hummingbird feeders and put out two in the courtyard. As I wrote the last paragraph, a hummingbird came flying in, checked out the orange oriole feeder than moved on to the old red perky pet. Very cool! I think this happened last year; it’s like they are up in the trees just waiting for them to appear. How do they know? We didn’t get any orioles last year so we shall see. We have been getting a wide variety of birds including woodpeckers and yellow-rumped warblers that we haven’t seen before at the feeders.

This week started badly. Thursday was a weird food day with stuff that wasn’t in the planner so I guessed. But I ate brownies and I’ve had potato chips two days in a row. They are small bags (about 4 points worth) so maybe that’s better than eating out of the big bag. I get instant portion control and I really think I have enough control not to eat more than one bag. But I’ve been over the top on points and today I found myself in the grazing mode in the kitchen. Ate at least two ounces of swiss cheese. I did get myself under control with some carrots but it’s so easy to fall off the wagon, isn’t it? After the triumph of Wednesday, I’m experiencing the not-so-successful Thursday and Friday and am determined to get back on track tomorrow.

I ate a wonderful homemade chocolate cookie that a classmate brought tonight. I faithfully recorded it and still have points left over. Just thought about what the day would have looked like if I would have done my usual travel diet: biscuit and hash browns for breakfast and something with french fries for lunch. Scary…so the cookie was really the right way to go after having a good food day…yogurt/fruit for breakfast before leaving the house, some more of the fish stew with lots of vegies for lunch and then a salad from the Mews with fat free dressing for dinner.

Here’s the McDonald’s deal:
biscuit and two hash browns is 12 points!
And then it’s close to 21 for a small cheeseburger and a large fries! That’s almost all the points you get! EEK! It’s no wonder I’m fat. Actually, the wonder is that I am not fatter. I couldn’t have started this diet any later…this is more than a diet but a life change. I don’t mean to sound too radical, but I really do feel better after just a week. And probably three weeks of doing yoga almost daily for 30 minutes. I did not do it today and I probably should…maybe just some easy stresses and relaxation. I am looking forward to getting back to walking now that the weather is nicer, and I’m wondering if I have to figure out how to navigate the gym in order to keep up the exercise over the winter. That’s got to be a part of this. And, the walking is actually the easiest part…I like it, and I am going to find some good podcasts to listen to, maybe subscribe to the New York Times through Audible.

So, I am taking a minute to pat my back. I’m not hungry right now but still have cottage cheese and a pear to go on the day. I did spend one extra point because I went back and adjusted the chicken and cheese on my salad. I had said one ounce but I changed it to two. And I made it a whole chicken breast although I don’t think that was true. I wonder about the cheese? I just checked: one ounce is your thumb which would be close to 2-1/2 chunks in the salad. So, did I have five chunks? Close to it…I generally overestimate how much I ate since portion control is an issue for me.

It’s almost 8:00 so I may just skip the cottage cheese and pear and have a cup of Tension Tamer tea and relax with Texas by James Michener. Or settle in and watch Barton Fink and add websites to my wikispaces. I like the latter idea…head out to the living room by the fire. I hate to be optimistic since I have failed so many times in the past and lately haven’t even made it past the morning of the second day, but for some reason, this time feels different. I feel different? Is it just a general confidence boost? I am getting lots of recognition…people seems happy with me right now…so I’ve got the steady balance I need to be able to focus my time and energy on this problem. I think that’s the realization, too, that it does take time and energy to change behaviors. After years and years of poor choices, I suppose I am lucky that I am not in worse health. I just find myself thinking to sit up straighter. And my leg and back threatened to hurt today but did not and I didn’t have to take ibuprofen, something I had almost been living on, just sort of part of my daily routine to deal with aches and pains.

I have been this route many, many times before. I sign up for WW online. I am religious about recording and planning, and then the 5th or 6th day comes and it seems like the points are suddenly working against me. I’m having that feeling right now, like I just want to go out in the kitchen and eat something. But I have no points so the only thing I can eat is vegetables and I guess that’s just not what I want. But there are carrots and a cold V-8 juice…maybe I’ll have that. I really want to succeed at this this time. I have my plan for yoga around 5 PM, then start dinner and take a shower while the soup is heating. I remembered a provencal soup recipe I found on ww and I have canned tuna so I am adding green beans and carrots to it to up the vegetables for the day. Here’s the deal…the chinese food is just a little too high in point counts. I am better off supplying my own ingredients and adding sauces since many of them are fat free or low calorie.

I CAN do this! I haven’t weighed myself. Just getting on the bandwagon. Tomorrow is the big challenge since I’m travelling. I need to take time to make breakfast tomorrow morning. I can get a salad at Swem when I go to teach Sheryl’s class. NO MCDONALD’S!! I could even carry a cooler with a ham sandwich so I could eat in the car. Maybe they’re providing lunch? It’s about planning ahead. Toast and fruit and yogurt or cottage cheese for breakfast. I can carry grapes with me, too. I should make those oatmeal bars. So, have I written past the urge? I am going to go back and garden for another 15 minutes, then come in and read some serious stuff.

One of those weird coincidences…I’ve spent the whole day being annoyed by Peter Pace and then as I’m poking around the Internet Archive for another reason, I find this audio clip from The Life and Times of Harvey Milk. It includes Milk’s final words to be played after he was assassinated. And he was right…he understood how threatening he was to people, hmm…people like Peter Pace, perhaps?

http://www.archive.org/details/ssfHarveym1

So, are gays the last bastion of people we can make fun of? I am really really tired of Ann Coulter and her vile language. I am glad to see that the Republican candidates are denouncing her but I wonder how long it took them?

G.O.P. Candidates Criticize Slur by Conservative Author – New York Times

Regret is clearly NOT an apology. His only regret seems to be that he said it out loud, but he is not apologizing for being homo-phobic. I wondered today how many of those who have died in Iraq and Afghanistan were gay?

I’m watching NBC Nightly News’ coverage and Pace appears to be getting some flack even from higher ups in the military itself.

Pace Expresses Regret Over Gay Remark – washingtonpost.com

Joint Chiefs Chair General Peter Pace announced that he believes homosexuality–like adultery–is immoral and that’s the reason that openly gay people should not be allowed to serve. He bases this opinion on “his upbringing.” Here’s the link to the Boston Herald article.

If this guy weren’t the top military leader in our country, this whole thing would be laughable. I don’t know anything about this guy’s upbringing, but I wonder what other anti-others tendencies he is harboring. Isn’t he lucky that he grew up in a world where it was allowable to put down anyone who didn’t fall into his nice, whitebread life. And, more importantly, isn’t he lucky he wasn’t born gay himself in that world? But, who knows, maybe he was but because of his upbringing, he couldn’t reveal it. Now, he gets to have an international platform for spouting his opinions…remember, this is based on his upbringing, not any kind of science or sociology that says that gays should or should not be in the military.

So, does this mean we forgive the racists who once believed that a segregated military was the way to go. After all, that was how they were brought up, to believe that blacks really weren’t good enough to be around whites? Or, in this case, was their upbringing wrong? What about women in the military? Again, someone’s upbringing probably suggested that they shouldn’t be part of this group, and yet, at some point, this was swept aside as discriminatory.

So, here’s a few opinions based on my upbringing. I’ll start by saying that I think the whole war is immoral so it’s pretty hypocritical for the guy in charge of it to call anyone else names. I wonder how many of the soldiers involved in the Abu Ghraib prison fiasco? I have to tell you, General Pace, that those people looked pretty immoral to me. And what about Guantanamo? Again, this seems pretty immoral to me and I don’t think we can blame it on the gays, can we? Maybe before we start discussing immorality, we should be sure our own backyard is clean and moral.

This is the first story I heard on NPR this morning: Frank Hargrove manages to insult both blacks and Jews and then suggests that they are just thin-skinned. I wonder if Hargrove and Virgil Goode are friends?

WUSA9.com | Va. Legislator’s Comments On Slavery Anger Blacks, Jews

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror last night and was treated to a photograph from our day in Yorktown. I look happy, but boy, am I fat! I suppose we must use the o-word: obese. How did this happen to someone like me? I eat too much, and I don’t exercise. It’s really quite simple, isn’t it? But solving the problem sometimes seems impossible.

I was walking pretty regularly in the fall and then the end of the semester hit. I kept it up a bit, but certainly wasn’t going every day, the way I had been. The good news is that I’ve gone walking two days in a row and today I will get two walks in because we are going to the property. I don’t mind walking, and today I downloaded a weight loss guide and an Amelia Peabody mystery from Elizabeth Peters. And the weight loss guide just suggested that you listen to books on tape.

So far today, all I’ve eaten is a banana. I know I should eat a bigger breakfast, but I am experimenting with eating every few hours. I’ll feed Bob pizza for lunch and I’ll work on last night’s salad. I just feel the need to really cut back at least for a few days…get a sense of what it means to be hungry and start ridding my body of the junk food toxins.

This is going to be hard, but I am just tired of thinking about it, being afraid of looking at pictures, just feeling like a failure when there is so much success in the rest of my life. So, I am a pretty smart woman and I know what has to happen.